The Nightmare of my life

I wish the memory was just a dream.
I wish that I was in a game that I could just push the reset button to start again.

But, whenever I wake up and start my day, the gift from the accident is still here with me, attached.
Its like a mark, a sign, a scar. Something that I have to live my life by. To know and remember the unfateful day.

I always tried to be hardcore, strong and aloof... but, inside, I was scared, fragile and helpless.

The irony of the incident. Some will laugh at me, some will sympathize me, some will just be apathy.

It was two weeks ago. I have gone to Tioman Island, to relax myself. to run from the hectic of life.
I really love country side, it calms me. I felt free when I was there. I was really inspired and motivated to continue my carrier as a writer... There were many picturesque view. I could only spent there for only about 3 days before the unfortunate accident happened. I always thought to myself that I could have done something to change the event from happening. You know, the possibilities...

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It was a golden sky, and the tournament between Kampung Tekek and Kampung Genting was about to end. I walked back to my friend's bike as I came to the football field by it. Most of the motorcyclists had started to go back home as the last score was 3 to 1, and Kampung Tekek won. Hasnol was waiting for me at the playground where we usually sat to see the match. Baim and Arif had already left us behind, while Raja and Abon were nowhere to be seen. I quickly half walk and half run to Hasnol so we can get out of Berjaya faster. He was already on the green nearly customized motorcycle when I got to him. The engine was the loudest, beating all of the other motorcycles roar of might. He came up to me and I straightaway jumped onto the bike. Within the second my butt landed on the seat, he accelerated without giving me the heads up. We passed through all of the chalets and other motorcyclists in the thought of catching up with Baim and Arif. They were too upfront but with a little determination and push from Hasnol, we managed to catch up with them.

Hasnol was riding quite steadily and followed them from behind. We had gone through houses and more houses before arriving to the place, seems to be the destination that the motorcyclists in front were headed. We arrived at Taman Laut after a few minutes riding through Kampung Tekek, and including the place I was staying. Actually, when we were passing through the house that I was staying, I actually thought to myself, I should just go back home since it is nearing Maghrib already. However, I cancelled out the idea nearly as immediately as Hasnol turned into the road towards Taman Laut. We arrived just a few seconds after they had arrived and we stopped beside their bike. There were quite a few of bikers there, which I do not know most of them except Alif. I tried to fit in as usual and felt quite comfortable with the situation. Even though, I do not know their name but I felt quite accepted even as an outsider in that place.

 After a few jokes and talks, all of us started to depart back as the day was getting darker. Nearly simultaneously, the engine started and one by one, we went. Like always, we followed behind Baim but they rode rather fast this time and within a few glimpses we had lost them.Thus, Hasnol drove as usual. There was a motorcycle in front of us, a slow pace one. Hasnol, being him, he tried to drive passed the man. As he was riding fast, a motor with side car came onto view in the upcoming lane. As we nearly managed to get passed the man, the motor with side car turned into our lane and stopped a few feet in front of us. When I saw the parked bike, I was baffled and thought to myself, 'What in the hell the bike parked in front of us? Are they kidding us? Playing a joke on us?'. I just sat there, doing nothing, preparing for nothing. I did not expect that in a few seconds, it would be my worst nightmare. It happened so fast that I could not do anything except being a spectator.


I flew approximately 2 metres from the crash site. 'Where are my spectacle and cellphone' was the first thing that I thought to myself. I landed, which I did not know how, but I did land on the side of the road. I looked, as my head was actually on the ground, touching the grass and soil. I could not take my eyes on my cellphone, so I took it straightaway without any second thought. I was like, 'Thank God', and now I just have to look for my glasses, which I could not find it anywhere. I tried to sit and looked around. First I saw Hasnol was furious at the rider that we crashed on. He was arguing and seem to be beating the guy up for suddenly doing something that stupid and random. Then, I tried to look at myself, looking whether I had any injury or not. I looked at my hands, both of them, which in good condition. Then, I looked at my right leg. I noticed that my leg seem to be a bit different. Thus, I thought to myself and aloud, 'I broke my leg', many times, quite calmly but in shock as well. Disbelieved I should say. Since Tioman is not a big place, and Kampung Tekek is a close communal society, within the few minutes that I was transferred from the accident site to the clinic by a Hillux, the commotion of the local there was like someone will be getting married. Nearly everyone living in Tekek and nearby came to the Clinic to see me, whether I know them or not, it did not matter. They came to see me all the same.

The doctors and nurses, which I was not sure which one was the nurse or the doctor, had a look at the wound on my right leg and did a little cleaning to make sure that there would be no infection or bleeding.

I was not scared nor angry, but I was rather calm and very talkative. I took ton of pictures of people who came and visited me. I took pictures of the doctors or nurses, which ever, and even the guys who I had accident with. I took the picture of the wound. Everyone who came, told me to rest but, I could not. My mouth was too energetic to stay quiet while I was too bored. Everyone around me expected me to be weak, in-pain and sad, but I seriously were unable to be so. I felt very lively and the commotion outside of the Clinic made me more alive. I had to wait for many hours from 7.15pm, the time of accident, until 10.30pm for the Marine ship to arrive to Tioman Island so they could take me to Kuantan Ampuan Afzan Hospital. At first, I was freaking out as I had to take a ship to the mainland, due to the fact that I have motion sickness and the tide is not that favourable towards me at this time of session. I was given a shot to make me stable and non-nauseated along the way. As usual, I was able to take many pictures on the way there.

It was boring. I could not do anything, I could not even sit. I had been strapped to the stretcher. The boat ride was very long. The only funny incident was that the nurse whom taking care of me had motion sickness and vomited. It took 2 hours to reach Tanjung Gemuk, and there was an ambulance waiting for me to take me to HTAA. With that, I had another 2 hours ride. I reached HTAA around 2am and I was brought to the Emergency department. When I was admitted into the HTAA, I could hear that they were having another case of Emergency, two shot victims. I could only hear and look on what they were doing. I observed them, until I was bored, I took my sleep. I remembered that I was taken to the ward and placed there that night.

The next morning, I had my surgery. I was quite scared, as I did not know what to expect of it. I was rather scared at that time, but I could only just braced myself up for whatever to happen to me next. A few minutes later, I was in the Operating Theatre, and they were talking and making jokes at that time. I was rather annoyed by them actually, but I stayed silence and followed their commands. They asked me to sit up so they could inject me with a sedative so half of my body will be numbed. I also told them that I do not want to be awake while they were operating me, thus they gave me a sleeping injection. I woke up 2 hours later and found out that my shin had been inserted rods and metals. I could not feel anything, shocked or whats not. I felt like I always feel, aloof. Since then, I had stayed in HTAA for 1 week and I got to go back home afterward and thus been wearing the metals and waiting for my fibula and tibia bones to heal.

I could have said that this is all just a fateful plan made my God. A big plan for me that I would not know of. Regardless of anything, I should just move forward and hope that everything will be smooth and slick. Many things came into my mind. I was scared that my bones would not heal up. I was scared to go back into the Operating Theatre. I was scared that one day while I was walking using crutches something unfortunate happened and I slipped and fell, right leg first. I was scared that they would put metal, rods and screws and bolts into my leg. I was scared of many  things. I felt hopeless then, and now, with all my willpower and determination, I could only say, 'There is only one way to go, which is forward'.

And this is how I will be until the determined date which is 02/02/2012.