My reflection on human's behaviour.

  I have not written anything for a while now even thought I told myself that I will try to write contents more often. However, I also felt that it is unwise to just put up any feelings/rants here. It must at least contain something beneficial or meaningful.

I resigned from my job 2 weeks ago, due to personal reasons.

How should I start this. 

I have been jobless for the past 2 weeks, and I had been thinking of what the therapist told me in regard to my issue. The therapist said that due to my inner issues, I have been slacking and not productive.

I was thinking of that just now, of it. 

Is it true that human is not innately lazy? At first I want to say that human is amalgamation of its background, history and experience. They create on how we emulate ourselves towards certain topics, or issues, or give us perception on certain things. Similarly in regard to racism, some said it was taught to us by those around us. We are not innately racist, but was taught to be racist.

However, when I reflected on it again, we are actually driven towards things that we want to do. We will be lazy/procrastinate if it does not interest us. If we want to be overachievers, we have to focus on our interest. What motivates us to do something. What pushes us to go for it.

When we look at it, we can be lazy in certain aspects of our live as we are driven to do other things.

I believe that I do not have the motivation to pursue the work that I did. Therefore, I have to leave before it impacts my team. I feel ashamed for it. Rather than bringing the team down, I left without making any plan for myself.

Now, I am currently planting grapes [measure land], or however you put it.

I am more relax now. My mind is free, and I can think and do things that I have not done for a while.

I am currently driven to make myself become healthy and fit. Healthy and fit in mind and body.

Wish me luck.

Thank you.

A True Confession of ME

If you truly know me, I am a melancholic guy. I think damn a lot ~

I have a lot of deep rooted issues that I have to struggle every single day.

I gave excuses to myself. Sometimes I felt that I play victims just to seek pity. Who am I really? I always feel that my being is an imitation of everyone that I met or know. I took their traits and mixed them into me. I am unoriginal. A being that only live on by taking energy from other people.

I'm a scare little guy.  I scare if what I wants are unachievable by me.

Fears always have been the things that stop me moving forward.

I can feel the change that I'm now is different than what I was. Now I am a timid and scared guy.

I still remembered when I was still in USM. I was very bold and upfront during basketball. I can hustle. I can rebound. I am not scare to engage with opponents.

Debating was my favourite past time in UiTM. I joined debating clubs. Even though sometimes I got cold feet but I still joined the competitions. It was GREAT!

Meek is what I will call myself now.

I do not know if this is the aftermath of the accident but it changed me, not just physically but mentally.

This 2019 is the worst. I feel disconnected with people.

Whenever I go play basketball, or just anywhere. Even at work, I don't feel that my presence really do any justice.

I need to better myself. Focus on myself. Prioritize!

Many times my right leg went limping and I feel down every single time. A weakness that keep me from playing properly and do anything properly.

My latest accident in 2017 did me good also. My right shoulder keeps on cracking if I do certain movement.

I think that's all for now. Goodnight ~

Untitled Title Post

I have no idea what I should put as title.

I am unable to sleep and the things that have been happening these few days made me think of something.

I believe, the best way to end one's life is by self-drown, not by infliction by others. It has to be voluntarily as there will be resistance if it is done other way.

It would be painless and effortless.

I realized that after my first possible near death experience of drowning at the waterfall in Perlis many years back. It was calming and I just can let go.

And my recent experience of diving (which I will include why I went diving and all in other story), made me realized the same thing as well. It is that easy.

Unlike how the popular believe on the slitting of the veins on the arms or jump off a high building.

I do think that both will have major backlash should you failed. Either you are left handicapped or just paralyzed. You will be lucky to have it end, then and there.

I feel that those are more painful way to die.

In the same line of thought with drowning, overdosing with pills, especially sleeping pills would make you pass away, peacefully, in sleep.

However, all of these are solely based on my own perspective.

One way to know is to go thru it :P

Insomniac Epiphany

I had an insomnia a few days ago.

As usual my brain activity will go on full brain storming mode.

I thought of something - ending one's life.

Then it got to me, if I end someone, then it will be trial for murder.

The possible outcomes are either capital punishment or life imprisonment.

The end goal is to get capital punishment but the works that I had been doing made me think of something.

We do not give what people's want. In that sense, why cut it short and let them an easy way out.

So, it is possible that I would get life imprisonment. Wouldnt that be very awful!

I wouldnt get what I want and still will be alive.

In gist, never give people what they want.

Bike vs Car - The battle of my life

What can I say, "Malang tidak berbau".

I learnt my lesson from last time, I really do.

This happened last Sunday , 18 March 2018 at SS2, near Petron station around 11:35am.

I was on my way back home after a morning balling in UM and I had a basketball competition later on in Shah Alam around 1:00pm.

I had a light headache then as I didn't have any breakfast and I played quite for a long time in the morning. 

5to5 games from 9am until 11am. I played around 4 to 5 games.

I guessed staying hydrated wasn't enough as I didn't feel up my tummy with anything solid.

Anyway, at the intersection in front of SS2, Petron turning into the Thursday Night Market area, in front of me was a Toyota cruiser.

After both of us made the turn inside, I noticed that the car slowed down and made a slight distance from the divider which was on our right. 

I actually thought to myself that this driver might want to make a U-turn here but I didn't see the right indicator blinking.

I drove on his right side, as he hugged abit on the left side. I am on the driver line of sight, so I roder pass him and out of nowhere, he suddenly made the U-turn which I had expected.

I was shocked. I tried to break but my instinct just told me to brace for impact.

I hit the driver/passenger door.

No honk was sounded by me. In a split second I realized that I am on the road, lying down while still stuck on the bike and the car still didn't realize that he hit me.

After awhile only he looked outside and below and saw me under there. My bike stuck to his car.

He knew he was wrong and tried to settle it there and then.

His wife was there too and they drove me to the nearest clinic to get me checked up.

It wasn't serious injuries so I felt quite relieved. 

I am not someone who will try to get benefit out from them or get profit out of it. After gauging at the damage of the bike, I asked him to settle for RM500.

All in all, the workshop told me the that the total cost is RM424.

I'm in luck, I have my limbs all intact and working.

So in the end, I missed my basketball game at 1pm. 

The Reader of My Blogs

To be honest, I am surprised to see that I have some viewers/readers.

I don't know who you are but I hope you aren't bore by my writing.

The content is non-existence. Thank you for reading.

Aftermath of August 2017

I hadnt update for quiet awhile now.

It wasn't because of I am procrastinating in updating the blog but there's an issue with my desktop.

It seems that my desktop is in sleeping mode, always. I had tried to do many things to see what's wrong with it and in the end, I found out it may be due to the graphic card. 

Okay, maybe I am lazy, lazy to change the graphic card.

Anyway, THAT isn't the story that I want to write here.

Yesterday and today - I noticed that my brain wasn't working properly.

In term of numerical sequence and memory.

Yesterday, I was given a set of 6 digit numbers and I messed up the numbers even though I was informed more than 3 times. I remembered the numbers but not the sequence. Bad right? I was surprised too. Haha (Yup, I am laughing at myself).

Today, I saw the photocopier at my office, the black big one. I stood there for awhile and thought to myself, "has it always been black?", "when did we change?". My memory seems blur-ish.

Afterward, I sat at my colleague's table to ask her something. I asked her on her in and out tray, whether it's new. She told me that I had asked about it 3 times, and I responded immediately that she should be expecting me to ask more time in the future. LOLx.

Alright, that's about it. I may want to contact my doctor on this soon if this recur again.

Until then, happy always.

Thank God It's Friday

I had been pending on writing this post for quite awhile now.

Friday, the day that people are looking forward to as it signifies that weekend is just around the corner.

I understand that people are happy for the weekend.

However, it got me thinking. Why should I be happy of Saturday and Sunday more than other days.

Why should I hate Monday?

It seems that people love Weekends and hate Monday just because of their work. They hate their work so they dreaded it and reflected it on the days.

I want to break that habit!

I want to love all days equally.

Let's look forward each day with a wide smile and big hug.

Happy Monday

Jovial Tuesday

Gay Wednesday

Perfect Thursday

Lay Back Friday

Fun Saturday

Lazy Sunday

The True Confession of a Friend-Oriented Guy - Post 2

I love helping people, especially my friends.

I had helped friends which sometimes over-exceeding my own capabilities.

I am not sure why I do it sometimes. It is just, inside me.

I noticed that whenever if I have a good amount of money with myself, it seems like an indication to the universe to inform my friends who are in predicament to contact me and borrow money from me.

Often time it happened. Heck, it happens everytime.

Is it a curse or a blessing in disguise.

I really don't know how to say no and tell them I can't help them.

Should I see a Bomoh or go through a workshop?

God help me. 

Work Life Balance - Sleep on time at 10pm.

Welp. Heck, I can count with my fingers on how many times had I slept at 10pm this year.

TWICE! The rest would be after 12am.

It's bad. I notice I will be slightly slow at work.

I need caffeine :P 

However, recent reading showed me that it is better to take Nicotine rather than Caffeine.

Thus it made me thought of one thing - to start vaping.

Yes, people are currently doing it due to the hype/trend and stuff.

I am looking at it for it's medicinal purposes. If it can reactivate my brain and connect all the synapses so my brain will process better. It's hard for me to explain. Let just say Nicotine > Caffeine.

Too far from the topic - I need to sleep on time so I have 8 hours of sleep.

Another thing that I came across. People need 8 hours of sleep - regardless of age or gender. 

Anyway!~ Goodnight.

An article a day to reactivate your brain.

I had been a lazy reader for the past many months.

Reading an article a day makes my life interesting.

It can be on work issue or anything interesting.

I find my life becomes slightly better.

I am not saying I will remember all the content that I had read but I get something from the reading.

I love it and I will continue doing it.

If you ask me to repeat again what I had read yesterday, maybe I wont be able to answer as it will just come and go.

However, I believe that the more articles I read, the better it would be, for me at least.

I miss the time that I will just sit down in my room and read books.

Slow and steady, I will go to that lifestyle again.

Forgetting and Remembering

I have a lot of things that I want to write, but I will forget as when I had the thought or idea, it would be during my working hour or when I ride my bike.

Heck, when I started to get inspired to write poetry, sometimes it would be in the toilet.

A waste of rhythm.

Maybe I should just record myself using my phone, regardless where I am.

Maybe I should!

Maybe . . .

Insomnia!

Surprisingly, I can't sleep! xD

I ate too much during my dinner, a half chicken.

Plus my friends' food :P

I feel rather full, too full that it is not good to lay down and sleep.

I ate at 8pm and until now my tummy feels so full and it would be uncomfortable to lay down on bed and sleep.

What should I do? Maybe I should go for a walk... at night? Nahhhh.

Let's just laze around the room until I fall asleep.

Financial budgeting

I have been keeping tab on my cash flow since last year.

However I hate the fact that there was discrepancy every time I calculate my cash flow.

It is very disheartening to know that there were some missing expenses which I failed to track.

Or, someone actually stealing from me.

Do I have toyol near me?

Damn, that would be scary.

I dislike this uneasy feeling - To not knowing where the missing money went.

I wish I can remember where it went! Heck, the amount is getting bigger :(

What can I do except to be more attentive on my notes.

:(

Managerial position

What can I say.

Recently I got to know that someone who is at my age has become HR Manager.

It got me thinking of where I am now. Going to be 29 but still under fresh exec position.

Sometimes I wonder, am I doing what I am supposed to do.

Friends say that I will fare better in hospitality and services industry.

Maybe I will, maybe I will not. Another close friend of mine will be a Manager this coming February, and he is the same age as me as well.

Now, I am contemplating whether what should I do. 3 years working here.

My friend told me that if the Company doesn't promote you after 3~5 years then it's better for you to quit and find a better one.

I still have a lot of things to learn and I am staying in the same place as I want to learn and make sure I have gotten everything before I move to other department or company.

I had stop myself from going to other department as I want to learn. There are a lot of things to learn and knowledge to gain. Until then I will stay.

Should I move just for higher position?

If the time comes, I will. However, I am content now with my life.

Should I feel down and envious with my friends high position?

Absolutely not! Everyone is moving on their own pace. Everyone has their own journey. With great power comes great responsibilities.

I love my life and I am moving at a pace that I am comfortable with.

However, is it a pace that is too slow?

Maybe it is, and that's why I am changing myself. Trying to get myself straight and organized.

I had changed many things with my life recently. And I hope, it is for better.

Chapter 003 of 365

Daily Update ?

Nope. The title doesnt warrant that the update will be daily.

I as well unsure why I had put such title. It looks interesting.

As the New Year dawned, every page is worth something.

Appreciate every day as if it's the last day you will have on earth.

Appreciate it as this will be your only life on this temporal realm.

I guess everyone has forgotten that we wouldnt survive at the end of the day.

One way or another, everyone will see our maker.

Let all cherish the moment, day by day and not let it go to waste.

Let go of all the the negativity around you. Those that bound you to the earth.

Any emotion that restrict and hinder you.

Let yourself be free.

Wander the wondrous earth.

Love yourself.

New Year, New You ?

I contemplated on 31 Dec 2017.

Why do I even celebrate Gregorian Calendar New Year.

I have my own New Year that I should focus on which is Awal Muharram.

I didn't feel anything new but I felt the resolution in me.

Spoken to my Harris, my bestfriend on it.

He said he doesn't follow Gregorian Calendar New Year. He followed his Aries Astrological Sign as New Year as it is based on degree. (I didn't prod on it in more details, so I cant remember which degree to what) - Whether it's Earth to Moon or to Sun, I can't remember.

Anyhow, it is more on yourself. You don't have to wait for New Year or new month to change or to have resolution.

You can do it today, or tomorrow. The most important is the discipline and the consistency to do it.

Anyway, I am still contemplating on this matter.

2018 New Year Resolution

I had thought about it. Should I come out with new resolutions.

I had been self reflecting myself for the past few days. 

I am trying to make myself better. Turn over a new leaf.

Well, I had reorganized my room. I took out my double-decker bed out and put my mattress on the floor and my housemate lend me a banquet table to put my desktop.

The layout of my room has slightly changed. I believe it makes the space bigger; perspectively speaking.

I feel better whenever I enter my room. It is a good sign. I hope it will last forever.

More changes that I will do due to someone that I recently know. I had only spoken to him for a few days but I feel connected. In sense, he read a lot and I love and admire such people. He will find and understand the particular topic to know more. In short, he will read to know the holistic view point of the topic he is interested in. Admirable!~

Due to the exchanges happened, I feel that I want to be like him. Motivated and aspired.

He is just a normal guy, who works in a fitness gym. 

However, I am unsure whether this friendship will last as he is a passive guy. Introvert, he said.

Many things that I want to do now.

That's go back to my resolution.

2018 Resolution.

1) Read an article a day.

2) Accomplish double the KMs in 2018 - 880KM.

3) Learn a martial arts.

4) Learn/Relearn a language.

5) Start back on poetry & novel writing.

October 15K Steps challenge.

An overdue update.

Please note that 1KM equates to 1250 steps
While 15K steps equates to 12KM

In October 2017, I challenged myself to do an average of 15K step in October.

It was a long and crazy process as to accomplish 15K steps a day is tiring.

Every morning, I was a bit tired. I pushed myself sometimes, up to 12am in the morning just to make sure that I hit the target.

Yes, if you noticed that I missed 2 days. However, I covered it by double the steps that I had to do in the next day.

So imagine that, I had done 30K Steps in a day which equates to 24KM.

Call me crazy but I did it!

One of the accomplishment that I am proud of.

I want to do it again soon. :D For a healthier and better me.

Accident BucketList

Welp. 

It doesn't come as surprising. I am slightly weird.

Currently, I am keeping tabs with all the accidents that I had and it seems like a bucketlist already.

I spoken to my bestfriends, and I spoke to them that these are more like an accomplishment. /LoL/

1) Pedestrian - N/A

2) Bicycle - N/A

3) Motorcycle - 2011

4) Car - 2006

5) Lorry - 2017

6) Bus - N/A

7) Train - N/A

8) Ship - N/A

9) Plane - N/A

10) Misc - N/

That's all folks. A lot planning needs to be done. /Lol/ Is it a curse or just bad fate. Time will tell, and I am prepared for next round!