BLOG - Blogging

Actually, I have love the idea of blogging.

After a while, I get the hang of it, but right now I have another dilemma.

Yes, one after another, as always, it is within human nature.

Besides, its not that I am really good using blog... I am still not sure on how to add picture or link to this thing.. @_@ because I am still confused with it... Plus, I seriously cannot see things that my friends told me about...

Anyway, oh yeah, the real reason that I want to write is to say that I kinda hate blog because we cannot track the thing we post.

What I mean is that when we have posted like 1000+ posts, its hard for us to check back and know what we have done/said in the previous post.

That is when I thought that I need to make a new blog for my other stuffs. Hmmm, but as always, I am not sure when I actually want to put it.. hahahah

Because, if you know me, juggling with one thing is hard, how can I juggle with more than one ...

Yes, you might say I am contradicting myself as I join many stuffs, but if you look carefully, have I excelled in any of the things that I have been doing [except playing games] ... LOLx...

Sometimes, I feel that I will be a TOTAL nobody... That is why, I love and try to be a somebody in my friends' memory.

Shoot, I kind of astray from the topic.. *sweat* ...

Anyway, I am just saying, I think I need to make another blog. It is a place where I will put all my poems into. So, it is easier for me to look back and read on it.

Yeah, I should do it.

Heck, I am still do not know how to do anything fancy in blog like my friends. T_T

Maybe, blogging is not my immediate turf. I will just have to hang around a little longer perhaps. Perhaps not. We will see on it.

New blogs, new commitment, new efforts

Yeah!!... I was thinking of opening 2 more blogs..

I know it might be too much but I think I need to organize it as it would be better such way.

Hmm, but I am not sure whether I want to share it or make it private or ... yeah...

LOL, why in the hell I want to write it in blog if I want to make it private right?

SO, I might as well make it public... hmmmm.. I am just waiting for the moment for the blogs to be done. I need more ideas.... You guys just wait for it...

And, I am sure that you will just follow one of the blog only as the other one would be more... hmmm... how to put it.... it would be more... Gruesome? Gothic? I am not sure .... It would NOT be appropriate for the weak mind.. Yeah, I think that is better.

AHHAHA. but the other new one, the one that you probably follow, it would be more inspiring and better I guess.. hahaha

Anyway, I think you guys just wait for the new blogs yeah? hahaha... But Im not sure when I am going to do it.. hehe.. until then.

At last... A new post from my own room...

Well, I actually have a fruit of thought to be put in here, but then it kinda slipped off my mind. Anyway, I think I do not have the desire to study/ learn anymore through education system.

I mean, I love to read and all, but I just hate the fact that someone pushing me to read something. I will be totally not interested in the respected field. Seriously, I hate it..

I am just eager to finish my days in university now. I love university and all, but I hate the time restriction... I want to do MANY things, I am interested to do A LOT of things. but I hate it when people start saying 'Azri, read this, and that' ..... urfgghhh!!! so frustrating.

Its not that I have anything against it... but well, I do actually have something against it.. haaha... I just cannot freaking remember any informations if someone asked me to read something thats not out of my sheer own will...

Anyway, early morning is the best time to be awake...I mean, this time.. around 2am to 5am... It is just heaven. the silent moment is just too precious to be passed... but unfortunately, then again, it actually, make me to have bad health. My face would start to have pimples and become oily. In fact, my hair will start to fall even more and I would not have enough energy to stay awake in the day time. But I dare say, my understanding does increase ten-fold. However, my perception towards surrounding decrease a bit.

In not a related news, I actually already remembered on the thing that I want to post now. And I am not sure whether I want to continue in here or make a new post... Haissh... haha....

Nahhh.. I scratch that idea from this post as I do not think it is something worthed to be shared. Its not like the person that I am directing the post to will read it. Like, you are busy working now and searching for money. and will be graduating really soon. Heck, well.. sharing too much will be bad for me socially.. hahaha...

So, yeah. I think I accidentally crapping about something else rather than talking about something that I should have... Right? hahah..

Eager to put word in

I have been wanting to go blogging for ages now.. .hahaha this is the first time when I felt really eager to put word in here..

I have many things to update on but nothing much to say since I cannot use the internet connection in my room. Maybe due to my laptop capability. Anyway, I am damn bored. Is this the first time I am talking about someone else? hmmm, I wonder what will happen to me in future time. I will vouch to myself, if in any way I will be a teacher or a lecturer, I WILL NOT BE A LOUSY EDUCATOR...

I see potential in all of the new generation and its a pity as most of them will fall in the fissure of hell.

I do believe that without a solid base, one will fall easily. and I believe that I am not a strong leader nor educator to shape the new generation capability so they would be in their highest potential.

This sucks, I want to crap and rant about other things but unfortunately, I cannot do it since I am not in my room. hahahah... and NO FREAKING PRIVACY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, I guess, even in my room nowadays, man, I hate the freaking guys who enter my room and use my stuffs without using my approval, heck even open the door before I could give greeting or reply anything....

One more thing, I AM NOT YOUR FREAKING BESTIES for you to actually, SIT ON MY BED and USE MY STUFFS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, I love the fact that my room is on a high level, 8th... Its high right,.... ^_^

Well, got to go... hahahaha.. do not want to be caught red-handed.. hahaha

A silver lining. A small hope in a small thing.

I know this is nothing, but just now, I saw a small hope that I have been waiting for. Its something that have been given me a big impact throughout this few weeks or days for that matter. I am not sure how long its has been.

Since the rise of facebook, I always aware that, it will play a vital role in everyone's life. People start to depend on it 24/7. Get update with friends, and know more people. Play games, rant about something. I found that, my life has been controlled by facebook in a way as well.

Seriously, I have been looking on the search and browse bars for days now. and, it really did happen. the miraculous thing that I have been waiting for...

But, I am glad that it is going to be just a dark memory. and I will try to be careful the next time.

I wished that, it didnt happen. but as long as there is a cure, I will be on to it. One of my friends said that I should just go with the thing that I want to do, but I always doubt it would work. and I need to plan things carefully. She also said that just give in to time.

And at first.. I seriously didnt believe on what she said... I just hope that time will cure the wound back and seal it off from my memories. Far far Far far away...

But, I know that, I also need to put my own effort into it.

God truly will close one door and open another, but it is up to us whether we want to move and make the effort to take the opportunity... I just hope that God gives me hint on when to tackle this calamity. this prolong problem. One of my friends, he said that, he always tried to tackle this issue ASAP. but what can I say, he is a CHOLERIC kind of person, and I am just a Phlegmatic plus Melancholic...

Anyway, this small hope, I will try to use it at the best. I wish the outcome will be good. I wish the dark period will pass quickly, really. hahaha T_T

Well, this is it. the time that I have been waiting for. Wish me luck and hope the outcome will be positive.

^_^

Be different, Be yourself, Be a change for someone else.

I do not know how to start this.

Maybe my way of doing thing is not the best, and maybe I am not good at all in it.

I wish I can lead people. I never lead people at all in my life, I was and am always being a follower.

I love to listen more than to talk even though I love to debate/argue about certain.

Sometimes, or not sometimes, EVERYTIMES, I always see flaw in myself.

I always tell people that I am not that too confident in my skill/strength and anything that I do.

Because I have self-criticism over 80%... which is VERY BAD. and I seriously cannot do anything about it. I have seen consultant. I have bought books and read them. Still none.

I wish I could do better, I want to do better. Every time before I go to bed, I chant to myself this few things. I am hardworking, I am confident, I am smart. I never feel comfortable with anything that I do. UNEASE UNEASE UNEASE...

I do find joy in anything that interest me, regardless, as long as I AM the one that FOUND it. I cannot be pushed in doing anything even reading.

Obviously I tried to change. Who wants to be a low self esteem phlegmatic melancholic introvert guy. Only stupid people do.

I tried to be friendlier and more confident. FAILED!

So, What can I say, what can I do? I wish I just could go out there and say what is in my mind. But, NO, I cannot. I can do harder. I will do harder next time.

Life must goes on, if you a jelly, you cannot be a concrete [cement], even as much as you compressed yourself, your physique would never be as solid as a concrete [cement].

I always say that I prefer if people say it honestly to me in front rather at the back, which is true.

I hate to lie, who does, thats why I always believe in the Golden Rule. Yes, I know that I sometimes lie, but I would not feel proud of it. I will try to amend it in a way, and sometimes I do tell the person that I lied to him/her.

Well, whats more to say, I do not regret it telling people what I have thought about them, or what I see in life. I wish people can live together even though they have different PERSPECTIVE about idea.

Just, a normal man. a normal guy. ME ...

P/S : yes,I wish that I am different.

Valentine's Day with my Love life

Since its going to be Valentine's day soon, I just to express something. There are only a few people know this, and yes, very very few.

I am always in dilemma if we talked about being in a relationship as currently, I am at a fork road. I do not know which one that I want to take.

Due we are living in a world where society matter [ to me it matters ], and people tend to give a false impression whenever they get the chance, I never did bulged from the place I am standing now. One move will make a HUGE different and change in my life.

I am at lost. Both moves will just made me at total lost. That is why I always created an escape route which is to be neutral/free/not taking side/do nothing.

Well, I do believe that doing nothing is a choice and a valuable choice. If you see in Avatar, Book 2 - Bumi advised Aang to seek an instructor skilled in neutral jing, or doing nothing (as Bumi himself put it, someone who "waits and listens")...

HAhahHa, some might reject this, well everyone will reject it when I say this to myself.. LOLx... anyway, thats what I think, so... yup... ^_^

Anyway, I am still considering the danger of the path and which one do I want to take and what to expect and to do.. you know, those menial things that one needs to do before picking side...LOL .. I HATE chooses....