Uprooting and Rerooting.

to root myself. I always try to understand myself. to know myself better. Because, I always try to ask myself, why I do this, not that. and why people do that not this. Such and such questions always overwhelm my head. Sometimes I feel that I am not normal, paranoid towards something that is intangible.

I don't know. I just don't know.

I feel that, some friendship is just superficial, for one own benefits. And I am not saying mine is based on that principle. Anyway, I always feel distance with the friendship conventionality... I don't know why, because, I always think that if one does one thing this way, it means something, while if one does it this way, it means something else all-over. I don't know, maybe my mind tends to think too much on detail and the reason for one action.

Anyway, I am not that close with anyone. I say so even though I have many closes and best friends is that, I am detachable. I an saying this because, my emotion is easily die from feeling any negativity, if you know what I mean. I wont easily cry, nor happy if something happened to someone. I might feel concern, but thats all. Just a concern.

I would say that, I am also having the hard time of my life to get in touch with my own people. I found it easier to be attach with other races. And that is a problem that I see as, I also will be alienated the time they code switch. You know how it feels.

Plus, honest to say, I am MORE attracted to other race than my own.. I SERIOUSLY dont know why. [and even if I know, which I know actually, why should I tell you... =PP ]...

Thus, right now, I am not feeling belonging to anything. I feel far, and lost. I am like a walking lost soul. Lost identity. Lost entity. Lost sheep. So, I thought of rooting back, but not sure whether here or somewhere else. I am still looking and searching... and thinking for the most part...

Until then, ... :-/