Posts
I love to read comics and manga and stuff. ONLINE especially... however some of the manhwa or manga that I have been following takes a really REALLY long time to get updated which is a very sad news for me at least.
I know that everyone who follows manga online would be extremely forlorn to see their manga has been updated after 2 months and above. and sometimes, the reader can even complain if the manga did not get up after a week.
To date, I have been following up with tons of mangas, and some of them did not even get updated for a year now, and some of the gets updated every single day, and some at least take a week to get updated.
I for one, tried not to be angry or anxious about it after I browse through all of the comments done by the reader in the message area. I for one, feel empathy towards the scanlators, because they are doing it on their own free time. In fact, they do not even get paid and even fork up their own money to do this.
They are doing this because they love manga and manhwa and other times of online comic strips. It is very lucky enough that they have the time and the effort to share it to all of us online. We should be grateful for their efforts and thanks them for their contribution.
Not, by taunting them for their late updates because they do have a life too. It's not easy to be a scanlator. I am not saying that I am one, but I had a job being a translator once, and it was a pain the eyes and in the brain. Not everything can be translated directly, because the meaning might be different in English. You might be wondering what does this joke means, and what does this situation happening in the first place and such.
People or the readers, should take their time off and live life in the reality for once, and not wait for the manga to be updated every single time they went online.
The scanlators should give themselves a pat on the back for the job well done. You guys really done a great job and thank you for it...
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Thursday, November 15, 2012
The Night Pursued
It was a cold night, and I was on my way back to my hometown. It took 4 hours of Bus ride from KL to my hometown, and I tried to get myself some sleep, but the street lights and the cold air-conditional kept me awake. I kept my sling bag, below my seat, which is something typical for me to do, while leaving my luggage at the rear side of the bus.
There were only a few passengers, here and there, sitting in the bus. I sat alone, and in front of me was no one, and behind me was no one. I sat at the fourth last row from the the last.
I called my sister to fetch me when I am just 10 minutes afar from my hometown bus station.
I was entirely beat up and tired due to the long waiting and journey. It was around 11pm when I arrived to my hometown, and I got up upright, and walked down to take my luggage, and I thanked the driver for his well done work in driving me safely to the bus station.
As a normal thing to be done, I went to my friend's stall, a burger stand, and waited for my sister to arrive. I exchange a few words with my friends whom were just sitting around there, and I saw the bus leaving the bus station to his next destination.
Out of the blue, I remember that, I forgot to take my bag from below the seat. I got really angst, because I just bought my new HDD for myself. My friends, without any sense to help me, said 'go and chase the bus then'. I was suffocated with their apathy, and I felt quite disappointed with their attitude.
As soon as my sister arrived, I quickly jumped into the car and asked her to chase down the bus. Both of us were rather nervous because it was a quite dark night, and the car wasn't my sister's but rather my brother's. She wasn't that confident in driving fast in that car, so speeding higher than 100km/h was out of question.
I was rather anxious, to whether we would be able to catch the bus or not, but after 30 minutes trying to pursuing the bus, we finally be able to see the bus. However, to ask the bus to stop in the dead night, was rather out of question. Due to the many cases of theft and malicious acts, we found that waiting for the bus at it next bus stop was the best way. So, we speed up until we arrived, and waited there for a few minutes.
After the bus stopped and dropped down the passengers, I went up the bus and took my bag. I was really grateful that the bag was still there. We arrived home at 1am.
There were only a few passengers, here and there, sitting in the bus. I sat alone, and in front of me was no one, and behind me was no one. I sat at the fourth last row from the the last.
I called my sister to fetch me when I am just 10 minutes afar from my hometown bus station.
I was entirely beat up and tired due to the long waiting and journey. It was around 11pm when I arrived to my hometown, and I got up upright, and walked down to take my luggage, and I thanked the driver for his well done work in driving me safely to the bus station.
As a normal thing to be done, I went to my friend's stall, a burger stand, and waited for my sister to arrive. I exchange a few words with my friends whom were just sitting around there, and I saw the bus leaving the bus station to his next destination.
Out of the blue, I remember that, I forgot to take my bag from below the seat. I got really angst, because I just bought my new HDD for myself. My friends, without any sense to help me, said 'go and chase the bus then'. I was suffocated with their apathy, and I felt quite disappointed with their attitude.
As soon as my sister arrived, I quickly jumped into the car and asked her to chase down the bus. Both of us were rather nervous because it was a quite dark night, and the car wasn't my sister's but rather my brother's. She wasn't that confident in driving fast in that car, so speeding higher than 100km/h was out of question.
I was rather anxious, to whether we would be able to catch the bus or not, but after 30 minutes trying to pursuing the bus, we finally be able to see the bus. However, to ask the bus to stop in the dead night, was rather out of question. Due to the many cases of theft and malicious acts, we found that waiting for the bus at it next bus stop was the best way. So, we speed up until we arrived, and waited there for a few minutes.
After the bus stopped and dropped down the passengers, I went up the bus and took my bag. I was really grateful that the bag was still there. We arrived home at 1am.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Operation Theatre
I hate operation theatre... It brought out many levels of my flaws ...
First the big long syringe that would be pierce from my spine...
Second the whole idea that I have to be naked in a group of people... seriously, even though, it was not the first time for me to be naked in a group of people, but not to female spectator... [ FYI, the first time was when I had my circumcision...]
Third the freaking place is effing cold. And, if you know me, COLD is SUPER DUPER EFFECTIVE against me... in fact, after the first time I had my so call surgery, I was being put under surveillance for being having the so call Fat Embolism... Which I did not have. Cold weather will weaken my heart till I can have a weak heart, and I have been monitored for how many days and they took my blood to analysis twice a day, imagine how painful to get it, as they need to get the good blood ... not the bad one... XD
Fourth to be out cold naked is the worst. You practically do not know what they are doing to you...
Fifth... well, this one, you should not know... too personal... XD
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anyway, the thought of going there again, to have another surgery is too much... My fear tells me that I should not do it, but my mind tells me that I should. I want to get better!!! Should I wait for the natural healing takes place, then, I have to miss many events in my life. Even if I do it, how could I even know that by doing this small seems to be harmless insertion of metal into my bone would make the bones regeneration any faster.
There are many pro and con that I have to consider... Well, at least some actually... I have to take all into consideration, but, my gut says I should do it...
Another venture into the Operating Theatre, that would seem to be awfully not fun at all... I wish God will show me some signs... I need help making this decision.... 6 months home bound is enough for me...
First the big long syringe that would be pierce from my spine...
Second the whole idea that I have to be naked in a group of people... seriously, even though, it was not the first time for me to be naked in a group of people, but not to female spectator... [ FYI, the first time was when I had my circumcision...]
Third the freaking place is effing cold. And, if you know me, COLD is SUPER DUPER EFFECTIVE against me... in fact, after the first time I had my so call surgery, I was being put under surveillance for being having the so call Fat Embolism... Which I did not have. Cold weather will weaken my heart till I can have a weak heart, and I have been monitored for how many days and they took my blood to analysis twice a day, imagine how painful to get it, as they need to get the good blood ... not the bad one... XD
Fourth to be out cold naked is the worst. You practically do not know what they are doing to you...
Fifth... well, this one, you should not know... too personal... XD
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anyway, the thought of going there again, to have another surgery is too much... My fear tells me that I should not do it, but my mind tells me that I should. I want to get better!!! Should I wait for the natural healing takes place, then, I have to miss many events in my life. Even if I do it, how could I even know that by doing this small seems to be harmless insertion of metal into my bone would make the bones regeneration any faster.
There are many pro and con that I have to consider... Well, at least some actually... I have to take all into consideration, but, my gut says I should do it...
Another venture into the Operating Theatre, that would seem to be awfully not fun at all... I wish God will show me some signs... I need help making this decision.... 6 months home bound is enough for me...
Monday, July 2, 2012
Right Leg
Today, my cat, name Archer was suddenly full of energy... Previously he was akin to Garfield, now, at that moment, he was bursting with energy that I tried to play with him. As usually, running is a must, so I tried to run, to exhaust him, but to my wonder, I could not run... There is no strength coming from my right leg... At first, I did not notice it much, but, when I actually try to push myself to break a run, I fail to do that, it would be as if I am limping, I felt rather overwhelm with curiosity, then I tried to jump. Putting all the force into my right leg, I tried to jump. However, it was a futile effort. I did not manage even to lift my foot above the ground. How funny is that... Nonetheless, I am not doing this to break my spirit, but to remind myself to this event. I might try again later in the nearest future, but for the current being, I will just stick with walking...
Sunday, June 24, 2012
The True Confession of a Lame Man 2
It has been, how many months, nearly 6 months I think, I have been a handicap ... I know, I have been keeping strong for those 6 months, but, I am a man of outdoor, I need to go out and see my friends. I have the need to go out and see the world. Cooping in this house, will wither my soul and creativity away. I see my life being thrown into doing something useless everyday. I have no mood to get up because, there is nothing for me to see. There is nothing for me to look forward to in every freaking waking hour. I feel rather useless and worthless. I think, it is enough with the high self critical within me that keep eating me from inside. To open my eyes, every single day is just like waiting for the Grim Reaper to come for me. People will tell me then, 'Hey, do something useful, like Online Business and such', for your information, Business and me, do not go well together... And some people who do know me, will say 'Write a book, a poem, a song, read a book or work out'... I cannot do any of those... My house is not a place to do those... Let me just tell you. It is not just about mood... If you know creative people, they need their zone of creativity. and I do have that, and it is NOT in MY HOME... [ I have my reason why ] ...
Walking, it just one of the easiest thing to do, after you have mastered it when you were small, I do not understand why people always tell me that you have to RE-learn it again if you broke your leg... For me, what you have MASTERED, should stick until your last breath, except, if you had amnesia... But, the thing about amnesia, people still remember how to talk and eat and the important of wearing clothes, and more... So, why do oneself does not have to master back something that he or she has completely forgotten, the memory of learning it, but when you fractured your leg, you have to learn it. It does not make sense to me.
Feeling to be unable to walk, suck... to the core.... Right now, I just want to show that I can do it, walk... I did, a few times, in the spite of the self hatred and loathsome inside of me that long to walk and hate to be a potato couch. To tell you the truth, if my leg is well now, I will be walking, nonstop. I long to jog and workout. I long to travel with my friends, to see them and go yam-cha together. I long to do a lot of things.
If my family knows that I walked, crutches-less, I think they would get mad at me. But, Hey, I walked like a normal people walking, literally. I can still walk... ^_^ I think I just need to keep that in mind...
Walking, it just one of the easiest thing to do, after you have mastered it when you were small, I do not understand why people always tell me that you have to RE-learn it again if you broke your leg... For me, what you have MASTERED, should stick until your last breath, except, if you had amnesia... But, the thing about amnesia, people still remember how to talk and eat and the important of wearing clothes, and more... So, why do oneself does not have to master back something that he or she has completely forgotten, the memory of learning it, but when you fractured your leg, you have to learn it. It does not make sense to me.
Feeling to be unable to walk, suck... to the core.... Right now, I just want to show that I can do it, walk... I did, a few times, in the spite of the self hatred and loathsome inside of me that long to walk and hate to be a potato couch. To tell you the truth, if my leg is well now, I will be walking, nonstop. I long to jog and workout. I long to travel with my friends, to see them and go yam-cha together. I long to do a lot of things.
If my family knows that I walked, crutches-less, I think they would get mad at me. But, Hey, I walked like a normal people walking, literally. I can still walk... ^_^ I think I just need to keep that in mind...
WYDIWYG
What You Do Is What You Get...
in another word, KARMA...
As I grew up, I have learnt that, we have to be good to other people regardless...
I would like to share one story about a sibling of a friend of mine. ~
He had one big argument with this kid at school as the person pushed him off the table, unto the ground. He felt a throbbing pain all over his body and whats more, all of his classmate laughed at him. He came home with an injured pride and painful physique.
So, there were a few knives throwing battles via Facebook between him and the father's friend. He wanted to do something deceitful, so he asked for my help, for some apparent reason that was actually beyond my knowledge and understanding.
Anyway, we talked and discussed and I told him I could not help him. A few days afterward, I asked him again when I saw him online, how was the progress of his revengeful act on that classmate of him. He told me, Karma happened. I was actually glad for it as I knew that he would not seek revenge on his friend anymore. So, I indulge myself to know more about the incident. He told me that, when everyone was having a marching preparation at the field, some of those, who did not participate in it, have to sit in the class. His friend is rather a large guy, and unfortunately for the friend, the chair that he sat on, was unable to support his weight and it broke down and he fell. Everyone in the vicinity was laughing to the incident.
When I heard this, I asked him, did he laugh too, and his answer was a YES... So, I told him, he should not do that. As what comes around, comes around. Yesterday, might be your misfortune, and Today, might be his, but if one still laughing at the other misfortune, the cycle would not stop. Ergo, I hope he learned his lesson and will try to be a better man...
in another word, KARMA...
As I grew up, I have learnt that, we have to be good to other people regardless...
I would like to share one story about a sibling of a friend of mine. ~
He had one big argument with this kid at school as the person pushed him off the table, unto the ground. He felt a throbbing pain all over his body and whats more, all of his classmate laughed at him. He came home with an injured pride and painful physique.
So, there were a few knives throwing battles via Facebook between him and the father's friend. He wanted to do something deceitful, so he asked for my help, for some apparent reason that was actually beyond my knowledge and understanding.
Anyway, we talked and discussed and I told him I could not help him. A few days afterward, I asked him again when I saw him online, how was the progress of his revengeful act on that classmate of him. He told me, Karma happened. I was actually glad for it as I knew that he would not seek revenge on his friend anymore. So, I indulge myself to know more about the incident. He told me that, when everyone was having a marching preparation at the field, some of those, who did not participate in it, have to sit in the class. His friend is rather a large guy, and unfortunately for the friend, the chair that he sat on, was unable to support his weight and it broke down and he fell. Everyone in the vicinity was laughing to the incident.
When I heard this, I asked him, did he laugh too, and his answer was a YES... So, I told him, he should not do that. As what comes around, comes around. Yesterday, might be your misfortune, and Today, might be his, but if one still laughing at the other misfortune, the cycle would not stop. Ergo, I hope he learned his lesson and will try to be a better man...
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
The True Confession of a Friend-Oriented Guy
I feel quite remorse in helping people these days. I think that I have done an extra mile to those that I met along the journey. Was the effort that I have done to them was meaningless. Was the effort that I have done towards them was not something that they wanted the first place? I could not help it to feel unappreciated. Was I being used by them... I could not help thinking that everything that I have ever done to people would not come as simple as that. Did I do something wrong. Am I not suppose to be waiting for Karma... LOL ... ( -_-)
I wonder sometimes, am I not suppose to be this kind of guy... who is happy just to see his friends, who is happy just to see his friends happy, who is happy just to hear news and updates, who is happy just to get in touch, who is happy just for his friends.
Sometimes, I do not think that I am fit to be this guy... I am not that rich to be there 24/7... I am not that free to be everywhere and anywhere anytime. I am not that humourous or a joker to entertain you everyday. I am not that intellectual to solve all of your problems... I am just not that awesome to be remembered.
HahaaHAHAha, I feel pathetic to write this, but, I need to put this out so I can feel better.
I know that, I will forget about this needless, and meaningless issue... It just me... seems to kind of forgive and forget everything that seems to happen to me.
DO I feel hurt, YES I AM and I WILL.
WHAT DO I do when I FEEL HURT, NOTHING, revenge is not my strong suit.
What will I DO to NOT FEEL HURT, suck it up and move on, life is not easy, and not always you will get appreciated as what you should deserve.
Well, I think, I should just suck it up and move forward... I guess people will give reason for everything that they cannot do... REASONS and EXCUSES... but, even if I can detect whether they are lying or not... Well... I do not think I want to do anything about it... FRIENDSHIP is just too precious for me to do anything about it, sometimes... hahaha.... Am I just to wimp.. ?.. LOLx... or too kind... or to idiotic.. hahaha....
Anyhow, lets move on with our life knowing that NOT EVERYTHING that we do to others will come back to us...
I wonder sometimes, am I not suppose to be this kind of guy... who is happy just to see his friends, who is happy just to see his friends happy, who is happy just to hear news and updates, who is happy just to get in touch, who is happy just for his friends.
Sometimes, I do not think that I am fit to be this guy... I am not that rich to be there 24/7... I am not that free to be everywhere and anywhere anytime. I am not that humourous or a joker to entertain you everyday. I am not that intellectual to solve all of your problems... I am just not that awesome to be remembered.
HahaaHAHAha, I feel pathetic to write this, but, I need to put this out so I can feel better.
I know that, I will forget about this needless, and meaningless issue... It just me... seems to kind of forgive and forget everything that seems to happen to me.
DO I feel hurt, YES I AM and I WILL.
WHAT DO I do when I FEEL HURT, NOTHING, revenge is not my strong suit.
What will I DO to NOT FEEL HURT, suck it up and move on, life is not easy, and not always you will get appreciated as what you should deserve.
Well, I think, I should just suck it up and move forward... I guess people will give reason for everything that they cannot do... REASONS and EXCUSES... but, even if I can detect whether they are lying or not... Well... I do not think I want to do anything about it... FRIENDSHIP is just too precious for me to do anything about it, sometimes... hahaha.... Am I just to wimp.. ?.. LOLx... or too kind... or to idiotic.. hahaha....
Anyhow, lets move on with our life knowing that NOT EVERYTHING that we do to others will come back to us...
Sunday, March 4, 2012
The True Confession of a Lame Man
I was trying so hard to make myself look very strong sturdy and alive...I belief to myself that I can go through this... I tried to make people to believe that I am just sitting here, feeling nothing inside. But, every night, I actually could not sleep. I have these restless thought for the future hold... It has been how many months since I was unable to stand on my feet.... THREE SOLID MONTHS... I should have healed by now, but, I am not sure why... I am still disable... hopeless... I cried myself to bed, nearly every night whenever I miss my friends events or any happening thing that I could go, to be apart of. I really want to share the moment with everyone... Yet, I could only sit in front of my laptop and read status updates and posts, see pictures, and watch uploaded videos... I missed a lot of things... I am a friend person... I feel that I need to be a part of that moment... and whenever I could not be one, I will feel under the weather... Like right now... no comment needed there, I feel really ashamed... I could not go to my juniors and friends performances... Conventions that I wish to go... I feel that I am pretty useless...
People always say that they have a problem, and I would not say that mine is any larger than yours. However, I am not a strong willed man. Whenever I think of my next surgery... I feel quite scared... I will be given big shot on my spinals ... and insertion of needle on my hands... I could feel it now... Plus, feeling the doctors taking my blood to take the hemoglobin is painful enough... I an just not sure whether I can get through it...
But, I do wish that I can get through it and be happy and get on with my life... I want to travel and do art... I want to fly away and be free... I feel that I am really earth bound... I feel that people look at me as someone hopeless and unable to do anything for myself... I am just lame temporarily... I will walk again soon...
I am not going to be sad anymore... I will not be down... I hate to be under the weather... I had my negative moment once, in HTAA.... It was the first week when I met with the accident.... I was actually in the toilet and it was rather slippery, and I fell... that moment, I was really down, and nearly burst to cry... I was totally demotivated... I just could not believe that it happened to me... I always ask God why it happened to me... Why did I do to deserve this... I have always try to be friendly, nice and good thought towards people... I tried, I really do... TT_TT
Anyway, that night, I myself, tried to get myself together by writing a poem... which it did make me feel better... Thus, I slept with red eyes and dried tears on my face.
This is the story of my life... a bed ridden man... stuck doing nothing but only to watch my friends success and my students growth...
Because, happiest memories are the priceless thing that everyone cannot buy... and I always cherish them always... does not matter how short did I spend with the person... I will remember it always... ^_^
Even though, how I much hate ground transport.. and even more for sea transport... I do feel that, travelling is one of the best thing to do... as I did that once... to visit my friends around Malaysia... and I miss doing so... looking forward to do it again... soon I hope... really soon...
Held my chin high and my head straight, to look forward for the future... ^_^
Because, happiest memories are the priceless thing that everyone cannot buy... and I always cherish them always... does not matter how short did I spend with the person... I will remember it always... ^_^
Even though, how I much hate ground transport.. and even more for sea transport... I do feel that, travelling is one of the best thing to do... as I did that once... to visit my friends around Malaysia... and I miss doing so... looking forward to do it again... soon I hope... really soon...
Held my chin high and my head straight, to look forward for the future... ^_^
Sunday, January 1, 2012
The Nightmare of my life
I wish the memory was just a dream.
I wish that I was in a game that I could just push the reset button to start again.
But, whenever I wake up and start my day, the gift from the accident is still here with me, attached.
Its like a mark, a sign, a scar. Something that I have to live my life by. To know and remember the unfateful day.
I always tried to be hardcore, strong and aloof... but, inside, I was scared, fragile and helpless.
The irony of the incident. Some will laugh at me, some will sympathize me, some will just be apathy.
It was two weeks ago. I have gone to Tioman Island, to relax myself. to run from the hectic of life.
I really love country side, it calms me. I felt free when I was there. I was really inspired and motivated to continue my carrier as a writer... There were many picturesque view. I could only spent there for only about 3 days before the unfortunate accident happened. I always thought to myself that I could have done something to change the event from happening. You know, the possibilities...
........................................................................................................................................................................
It was a golden sky, and the tournament between Kampung Tekek and Kampung Genting was about to end. I walked back to my friend's bike as I came to the football field by it. Most of the motorcyclists had started to go back home as the last score was 3 to 1, and Kampung Tekek won. Hasnol was waiting for me at the playground where we usually sat to see the match. Baim and Arif had already left us behind, while Raja and Abon were nowhere to be seen. I quickly half walk and half run to Hasnol so we can get out of Berjaya faster. He was already on the green nearly customized motorcycle when I got to him. The engine was the loudest, beating all of the other motorcycles roar of might. He came up to me and I straightaway jumped onto the bike. Within the second my butt landed on the seat, he accelerated without giving me the heads up. We passed through all of the chalets and other motorcyclists in the thought of catching up with Baim and Arif. They were too upfront but with a little determination and push from Hasnol, we managed to catch up with them.
Hasnol was riding quite steadily and followed them from behind. We had gone through houses and more houses before arriving to the place, seems to be the destination that the motorcyclists in front were headed. We arrived at Taman Laut after a few minutes riding through Kampung Tekek, and including the place I was staying. Actually, when we were passing through the house that I was staying, I actually thought to myself, I should just go back home since it is nearing Maghrib already. However, I cancelled out the idea nearly as immediately as Hasnol turned into the road towards Taman Laut. We arrived just a few seconds after they had arrived and we stopped beside their bike. There were quite a few of bikers there, which I do not know most of them except Alif. I tried to fit in as usual and felt quite comfortable with the situation. Even though, I do not know their name but I felt quite accepted even as an outsider in that place.
After a few jokes and talks, all of us started to depart back as the day was getting darker. Nearly simultaneously, the engine started and one by one, we went. Like always, we followed behind Baim but they rode rather fast this time and within a few glimpses we had lost them.Thus, Hasnol drove as usual. There was a motorcycle in front of us, a slow pace one. Hasnol, being him, he tried to drive passed the man. As he was riding fast, a motor with side car came onto view in the upcoming lane. As we nearly managed to get passed the man, the motor with side car turned into our lane and stopped a few feet in front of us. When I saw the parked bike, I was baffled and thought to myself, 'What in the hell the bike parked in front of us? Are they kidding us? Playing a joke on us?'. I just sat there, doing nothing, preparing for nothing. I did not expect that in a few seconds, it would be my worst nightmare. It happened so fast that I could not do anything except being a spectator.
I flew approximately 2 metres from the crash site. 'Where are my spectacle and cellphone' was the first thing that I thought to myself. I landed, which I did not know how, but I did land on the side of the road. I looked, as my head was actually on the ground, touching the grass and soil. I could not take my eyes on my cellphone, so I took it straightaway without any second thought. I was like, 'Thank God', and now I just have to look for my glasses, which I could not find it anywhere. I tried to sit and looked around. First I saw Hasnol was furious at the rider that we crashed on. He was arguing and seem to be beating the guy up for suddenly doing something that stupid and random. Then, I tried to look at myself, looking whether I had any injury or not. I looked at my hands, both of them, which in good condition. Then, I looked at my right leg. I noticed that my leg seem to be a bit different. Thus, I thought to myself and aloud, 'I broke my leg', many times, quite calmly but in shock as well. Disbelieved I should say. Since Tioman is not a big place, and Kampung Tekek is a close communal society, within the few minutes that I was transferred from the accident site to the clinic by a Hillux, the commotion of the local there was like someone will be getting married. Nearly everyone living in Tekek and nearby came to the Clinic to see me, whether I know them or not, it did not matter. They came to see me all the same.
The doctors and nurses, which I was not sure which one was the nurse or the doctor, had a look at the wound on my right leg and did a little cleaning to make sure that there would be no infection or bleeding.
I was not scared nor angry, but I was rather calm and very talkative. I took ton of pictures of people who came and visited me. I took pictures of the doctors or nurses, which ever, and even the guys who I had accident with. I took the picture of the wound. Everyone who came, told me to rest but, I could not. My mouth was too energetic to stay quiet while I was too bored. Everyone around me expected me to be weak, in-pain and sad, but I seriously were unable to be so. I felt very lively and the commotion outside of the Clinic made me more alive. I had to wait for many hours from 7.15pm, the time of accident, until 10.30pm for the Marine ship to arrive to Tioman Island so they could take me to Kuantan Ampuan Afzan Hospital. At first, I was freaking out as I had to take a ship to the mainland, due to the fact that I have motion sickness and the tide is not that favourable towards me at this time of session. I was given a shot to make me stable and non-nauseated along the way. As usual, I was able to take many pictures on the way there.
It was boring. I could not do anything, I could not even sit. I had been strapped to the stretcher. The boat ride was very long. The only funny incident was that the nurse whom taking care of me had motion sickness and vomited. It took 2 hours to reach Tanjung Gemuk, and there was an ambulance waiting for me to take me to HTAA. With that, I had another 2 hours ride. I reached HTAA around 2am and I was brought to the Emergency department. When I was admitted into the HTAA, I could hear that they were having another case of Emergency, two shot victims. I could only hear and look on what they were doing. I observed them, until I was bored, I took my sleep. I remembered that I was taken to the ward and placed there that night.
The next morning, I had my surgery. I was quite scared, as I did not know what to expect of it. I was rather scared at that time, but I could only just braced myself up for whatever to happen to me next. A few minutes later, I was in the Operating Theatre, and they were talking and making jokes at that time. I was rather annoyed by them actually, but I stayed silence and followed their commands. They asked me to sit up so they could inject me with a sedative so half of my body will be numbed. I also told them that I do not want to be awake while they were operating me, thus they gave me a sleeping injection. I woke up 2 hours later and found out that my shin had been inserted rods and metals. I could not feel anything, shocked or whats not. I felt like I always feel, aloof. Since then, I had stayed in HTAA for 1 week and I got to go back home afterward and thus been wearing the metals and waiting for my fibula and tibia bones to heal.
I could have said that this is all just a fateful plan made my God. A big plan for me that I would not know of. Regardless of anything, I should just move forward and hope that everything will be smooth and slick. Many things came into my mind. I was scared that my bones would not heal up. I was scared to go back into the Operating Theatre. I was scared that one day while I was walking using crutches something unfortunate happened and I slipped and fell, right leg first. I was scared that they would put metal, rods and screws and bolts into my leg. I was scared of many things. I felt hopeless then, and now, with all my willpower and determination, I could only say, 'There is only one way to go, which is forward'.
And this is how I will be until the determined date which is 02/02/2012.
I wish that I was in a game that I could just push the reset button to start again.
But, whenever I wake up and start my day, the gift from the accident is still here with me, attached.
Its like a mark, a sign, a scar. Something that I have to live my life by. To know and remember the unfateful day.
I always tried to be hardcore, strong and aloof... but, inside, I was scared, fragile and helpless.
The irony of the incident. Some will laugh at me, some will sympathize me, some will just be apathy.
It was two weeks ago. I have gone to Tioman Island, to relax myself. to run from the hectic of life.
I really love country side, it calms me. I felt free when I was there. I was really inspired and motivated to continue my carrier as a writer... There were many picturesque view. I could only spent there for only about 3 days before the unfortunate accident happened. I always thought to myself that I could have done something to change the event from happening. You know, the possibilities...
........................................................................................................................................................................
It was a golden sky, and the tournament between Kampung Tekek and Kampung Genting was about to end. I walked back to my friend's bike as I came to the football field by it. Most of the motorcyclists had started to go back home as the last score was 3 to 1, and Kampung Tekek won. Hasnol was waiting for me at the playground where we usually sat to see the match. Baim and Arif had already left us behind, while Raja and Abon were nowhere to be seen. I quickly half walk and half run to Hasnol so we can get out of Berjaya faster. He was already on the green nearly customized motorcycle when I got to him. The engine was the loudest, beating all of the other motorcycles roar of might. He came up to me and I straightaway jumped onto the bike. Within the second my butt landed on the seat, he accelerated without giving me the heads up. We passed through all of the chalets and other motorcyclists in the thought of catching up with Baim and Arif. They were too upfront but with a little determination and push from Hasnol, we managed to catch up with them.
After a few jokes and talks, all of us started to depart back as the day was getting darker. Nearly simultaneously, the engine started and one by one, we went. Like always, we followed behind Baim but they rode rather fast this time and within a few glimpses we had lost them.Thus, Hasnol drove as usual. There was a motorcycle in front of us, a slow pace one. Hasnol, being him, he tried to drive passed the man. As he was riding fast, a motor with side car came onto view in the upcoming lane. As we nearly managed to get passed the man, the motor with side car turned into our lane and stopped a few feet in front of us. When I saw the parked bike, I was baffled and thought to myself, 'What in the hell the bike parked in front of us? Are they kidding us? Playing a joke on us?'. I just sat there, doing nothing, preparing for nothing. I did not expect that in a few seconds, it would be my worst nightmare. It happened so fast that I could not do anything except being a spectator.
I flew approximately 2 metres from the crash site. 'Where are my spectacle and cellphone' was the first thing that I thought to myself. I landed, which I did not know how, but I did land on the side of the road. I looked, as my head was actually on the ground, touching the grass and soil. I could not take my eyes on my cellphone, so I took it straightaway without any second thought. I was like, 'Thank God', and now I just have to look for my glasses, which I could not find it anywhere. I tried to sit and looked around. First I saw Hasnol was furious at the rider that we crashed on. He was arguing and seem to be beating the guy up for suddenly doing something that stupid and random. Then, I tried to look at myself, looking whether I had any injury or not. I looked at my hands, both of them, which in good condition. Then, I looked at my right leg. I noticed that my leg seem to be a bit different. Thus, I thought to myself and aloud, 'I broke my leg', many times, quite calmly but in shock as well. Disbelieved I should say. Since Tioman is not a big place, and Kampung Tekek is a close communal society, within the few minutes that I was transferred from the accident site to the clinic by a Hillux, the commotion of the local there was like someone will be getting married. Nearly everyone living in Tekek and nearby came to the Clinic to see me, whether I know them or not, it did not matter. They came to see me all the same.
The doctors and nurses, which I was not sure which one was the nurse or the doctor, had a look at the wound on my right leg and did a little cleaning to make sure that there would be no infection or bleeding.
I was not scared nor angry, but I was rather calm and very talkative. I took ton of pictures of people who came and visited me. I took pictures of the doctors or nurses, which ever, and even the guys who I had accident with. I took the picture of the wound. Everyone who came, told me to rest but, I could not. My mouth was too energetic to stay quiet while I was too bored. Everyone around me expected me to be weak, in-pain and sad, but I seriously were unable to be so. I felt very lively and the commotion outside of the Clinic made me more alive. I had to wait for many hours from 7.15pm, the time of accident, until 10.30pm for the Marine ship to arrive to Tioman Island so they could take me to Kuantan Ampuan Afzan Hospital. At first, I was freaking out as I had to take a ship to the mainland, due to the fact that I have motion sickness and the tide is not that favourable towards me at this time of session. I was given a shot to make me stable and non-nauseated along the way. As usual, I was able to take many pictures on the way there.
It was boring. I could not do anything, I could not even sit. I had been strapped to the stretcher. The boat ride was very long. The only funny incident was that the nurse whom taking care of me had motion sickness and vomited. It took 2 hours to reach Tanjung Gemuk, and there was an ambulance waiting for me to take me to HTAA. With that, I had another 2 hours ride. I reached HTAA around 2am and I was brought to the Emergency department. When I was admitted into the HTAA, I could hear that they were having another case of Emergency, two shot victims. I could only hear and look on what they were doing. I observed them, until I was bored, I took my sleep. I remembered that I was taken to the ward and placed there that night.
The next morning, I had my surgery. I was quite scared, as I did not know what to expect of it. I was rather scared at that time, but I could only just braced myself up for whatever to happen to me next. A few minutes later, I was in the Operating Theatre, and they were talking and making jokes at that time. I was rather annoyed by them actually, but I stayed silence and followed their commands. They asked me to sit up so they could inject me with a sedative so half of my body will be numbed. I also told them that I do not want to be awake while they were operating me, thus they gave me a sleeping injection. I woke up 2 hours later and found out that my shin had been inserted rods and metals. I could not feel anything, shocked or whats not. I felt like I always feel, aloof. Since then, I had stayed in HTAA for 1 week and I got to go back home afterward and thus been wearing the metals and waiting for my fibula and tibia bones to heal.I could have said that this is all just a fateful plan made my God. A big plan for me that I would not know of. Regardless of anything, I should just move forward and hope that everything will be smooth and slick. Many things came into my mind. I was scared that my bones would not heal up. I was scared to go back into the Operating Theatre. I was scared that one day while I was walking using crutches something unfortunate happened and I slipped and fell, right leg first. I was scared that they would put metal, rods and screws and bolts into my leg. I was scared of many things. I felt hopeless then, and now, with all my willpower and determination, I could only say, 'There is only one way to go, which is forward'.
And this is how I will be until the determined date which is 02/02/2012.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)