Ups and Downs after the accident.

There weren't any visible injuries that will make me unable to do things that I did before.

Nothing, so it seems.

I am unable to utilize my right arm fully. At least for now. I will feel uneasiness whenever I use it.

This is just a small issue to me. I can train back my right arm so it can function as before.

However, the scars did affect my mental fortitude - personally and professionally.

A scarred face with a missing tooth guy.

How marketable am I now? Since I am single. I may face more difficulty.

Then, it hit me when I shaved my head a few days ago.

My happiness comes from within, not from without.

I shouldn't let what others think of me, make me feel uncomfortable with myself.

I need to readjust my train of thought again to reevaluate myself to prepare for the future.

What I should really do now, not to think of what others may see of me but to get back on my feet and feed myself with knowledge, workout and self appreciation.

Be a better version of me. I hope for all the best. Perseverance and Consistency.

All the best to my future self. Love yourself, always.

Bike VS Lorry - The battle of my life.

It happened on 15 August 2017.

It was fateful day which led me to be only able to utilize my left hand and bedridden for a few days.

It started on last Tuesday morning. It was a rainy day. Unable to take Futura to work, I tried to get a car ride to work but none available. I made up my mind to venture through the rain with Futura.

With my trusty windbreaker, and the free raincoat, I battled the rain.

I visualized the path in my mental mind to route out the usual way that I usually take to go to work.

The rain battered against the helmet's visor and raincoat. I tried to avoid any intersections which made me to slow down and stop.

Inevitably, I had taken a route which I travelled the less. I am familiar with the route but I have never taken it with Futura. I believe that was my first time.

At a T-Junction, I made a right turn and afterward I had to do a left cornering downhill.

The rain wetted the road and there was no friction between the tyres and the tarred road. It really caught me by surprised as I was hapless to see Futura wasn't able to turn properly and kept going straight.

An incoming 1 ton wooden lorry came into view and I knew that I will crash into it.

In my mind, I can only say, "Brace for impact".

The tarred road turned crimson red around me, and I can hear myself crying the word, "sakit".

Human brain works wonderfully. The pain caused by the flesh wounds weren't acute enough to make me cried. However, I subconsciously uttered it as a self defense mechanism for the denial/trauma that I had.

Fortunately, it lasted only awhile.

I analysed myself and found that I didn't fracture any bones but only have flesh wounds.

However, I noticed that 1 of my tooth chipped, "Bye Bye to Colgate advertisement" - No more perfect teeth smile.

Mentally, I ran through the paths that I could have taken which wouldn't take me going downhill. Unfortunately, the best route which will not lead to any downhill is by through Federal Highway.

Now, I had myself 7 stitches all over my body; 1 on finger, palm, shoulder, thigh and foot, and 2 on face. All of these are on the right side of my body.

      

I have to thank my boss for being there, before, during and after I was carried to hospital. I'm really grateful as he arranged for Futura to be transferred to the office.

I have to thank my family for taking care of me while I was partial disabled. I hope you aren't mind for my normal tantrum.

I have to thank my family, friends and colleagues who came and visited at the hospital. Really appreciate the thoughtful recovery items and get well soon presents.

Last but not least, all the warmth wishes from all of you.

Now, I am back home and looking forward to get back on my feet for more interesting things to come in the future.

#WhatDoesntKillYouMakeYouStronger #ComeBackStrong

My first Ultra Marathon - Gunung Nuang Ultra, Feb 2017

This story started when I got to have a colleague who loves doing outdoor activities. She introduced me to her group of friends who do hiking and running. 

That's how my chapter of life gets to be more interesting. I started to challenge myself and have been routinely running for at least 5km a week which is different than what I usually do. 

They made me to develop new interests; hiking and trail running.

To cut the story short - That's how I signed up for a 50km trail run.

I had to prepare myself mentally and physically for the run. Thus, I have hike hills and do runs

Trust me, I have a very bad stamina, but I know that I can endure it.

We had to camp there as the event started at 7am.

I did not know what to expect.

The route was actually a loop of 10km. Meaning to say that, after you have reached Loloq which is 5km from the starting point you have to turn back, another 5km.

My friends said that you will feel the mental pressure when you are at your 20 km into the run.

However, I felt it when I was doing my 10km ~ 15km.

It was mind-bogging, but I endured it.

The elevation was ups and downs. You have to know when to run and when to run. It was fun but hell, tiring.

During my "run" on 20km onwards, I actually was looking forward to do my 30km already, which was the 3rd loop.

I tried to make a habit of smiling at people, and at the end of the race, my friends commented that people will think I am crazy. 

Anyway, loop 4th and 5th were a breeze. I walked most of the time anyway :P However, I managed to do it within 10 hours and 22 minutes, while the cut off time is 12 hours.

I am happy that I finished it, and aiming to do 6th loop next year.

The Impregnable Defense Part 2

I set down again to the battle field. I know that I am a bit late to war as my current cohort is ground army; footmen and archers.

Our pace to the battle field was extremely slow.

Fast forward, I joined the battle, but without proper strategy as I had missed the war council meeting, I was injured nearly immediately; caught up in the enemy bait.

Rushing to the war without any preparation was a bad idea from my side.

I injured myself. However, thankfully it wasn't that bad. It injured my pride deeply though.

Now, I am useless. Barely can do anything and we lost badly again.

I need to toughen up myself and prepare for the future battles.

The True Confession of Azri Ahmad

It's hard to put it in word. My life has turned in many ways; whether going ups or downs.

I would like to open my heart here on what the recent event left me with.

I am a shy and low self esteem guy (Well, I am sure most of you will disagree with it) However, I am truly am. I am quite socially awkward towards friends who I know but not 100% close with. I have only a selective of friends who I am close with and I never felt awkward, and I feel very comfortable with them. This only due to the fact that they know me.

How does this affect me? As you have known, I had an unfortunate incident last 2 weeks ago. I am wounded at many places and believe me, I will have scars all over these places.

The worst part is, my teeth. Everyone always commended on how good my teeth looks like. A great smile. Thus, I love to smile. Beside boosting my self confidence, it makes other smile too.

Now, little that some of you know, one of my teeth actually may have to be pulled off. The dentist is trying his best to save it by mending a wire so it will stay put and heal up. However, it seems quite futile. He also indicated that there are other ways to save it, but I am not sure at what cost.

If the tooth will be pulled out, my smile would never be the same again. 

Therefore, can I smile again like I use to? I believe no. The smile that you have always seen on my face will be gone. I will be shier. 

Chances are I will avoid people more.

I am a single guy, still looking and this changed my gameplay altogether. Scars, at too many places will deter me to even go out with new friends. I am really unsure what my future will become. 

Yes, a happy go lucky guy like me do have my down time. It happened once, and now it is happening again. The only difference is that, now it is very visible. Everyone can see it. I am scared.

Little that you know, I am a melancholic guy. Therefore, I always in pursuance of positive thinking to tackle my issues. Buckle up and challenge it head on. This incident is a negativity in my life which impact more on how I perceive myself.

What will become of me? I am unsure of myself. I am afraid and concern how it will change me. 

In Islam, every challenges and difficulties that one's going through is actually a test. Supposedly, the test that God has given to you, will always be the test that you can handle. It would make you grow and shape your personality.

However, I can't see it as something that I can handle. It is obscure. Life is obscure to me now.

I am implore you that you can support me morally. Thank you for reading this. I hope I didn't take too much of your time.

Have a good day.