A silver lining. A small hope in a small thing.

I know this is nothing, but just now, I saw a small hope that I have been waiting for. Its something that have been given me a big impact throughout this few weeks or days for that matter. I am not sure how long its has been.

Since the rise of facebook, I always aware that, it will play a vital role in everyone's life. People start to depend on it 24/7. Get update with friends, and know more people. Play games, rant about something. I found that, my life has been controlled by facebook in a way as well.

Seriously, I have been looking on the search and browse bars for days now. and, it really did happen. the miraculous thing that I have been waiting for...

But, I am glad that it is going to be just a dark memory. and I will try to be careful the next time.

I wished that, it didnt happen. but as long as there is a cure, I will be on to it. One of my friends said that I should just go with the thing that I want to do, but I always doubt it would work. and I need to plan things carefully. She also said that just give in to time.

And at first.. I seriously didnt believe on what she said... I just hope that time will cure the wound back and seal it off from my memories. Far far Far far away...

But, I know that, I also need to put my own effort into it.

God truly will close one door and open another, but it is up to us whether we want to move and make the effort to take the opportunity... I just hope that God gives me hint on when to tackle this calamity. this prolong problem. One of my friends, he said that, he always tried to tackle this issue ASAP. but what can I say, he is a CHOLERIC kind of person, and I am just a Phlegmatic plus Melancholic...

Anyway, this small hope, I will try to use it at the best. I wish the outcome will be good. I wish the dark period will pass quickly, really. hahaha T_T

Well, this is it. the time that I have been waiting for. Wish me luck and hope the outcome will be positive.

^_^

Be different, Be yourself, Be a change for someone else.

I do not know how to start this.

Maybe my way of doing thing is not the best, and maybe I am not good at all in it.

I wish I can lead people. I never lead people at all in my life, I was and am always being a follower.

I love to listen more than to talk even though I love to debate/argue about certain.

Sometimes, or not sometimes, EVERYTIMES, I always see flaw in myself.

I always tell people that I am not that too confident in my skill/strength and anything that I do.

Because I have self-criticism over 80%... which is VERY BAD. and I seriously cannot do anything about it. I have seen consultant. I have bought books and read them. Still none.

I wish I could do better, I want to do better. Every time before I go to bed, I chant to myself this few things. I am hardworking, I am confident, I am smart. I never feel comfortable with anything that I do. UNEASE UNEASE UNEASE...

I do find joy in anything that interest me, regardless, as long as I AM the one that FOUND it. I cannot be pushed in doing anything even reading.

Obviously I tried to change. Who wants to be a low self esteem phlegmatic melancholic introvert guy. Only stupid people do.

I tried to be friendlier and more confident. FAILED!

So, What can I say, what can I do? I wish I just could go out there and say what is in my mind. But, NO, I cannot. I can do harder. I will do harder next time.

Life must goes on, if you a jelly, you cannot be a concrete [cement], even as much as you compressed yourself, your physique would never be as solid as a concrete [cement].

I always say that I prefer if people say it honestly to me in front rather at the back, which is true.

I hate to lie, who does, thats why I always believe in the Golden Rule. Yes, I know that I sometimes lie, but I would not feel proud of it. I will try to amend it in a way, and sometimes I do tell the person that I lied to him/her.

Well, whats more to say, I do not regret it telling people what I have thought about them, or what I see in life. I wish people can live together even though they have different PERSPECTIVE about idea.

Just, a normal man. a normal guy. ME ...

P/S : yes,I wish that I am different.

Valentine's Day with my Love life

Since its going to be Valentine's day soon, I just to express something. There are only a few people know this, and yes, very very few.

I am always in dilemma if we talked about being in a relationship as currently, I am at a fork road. I do not know which one that I want to take.

Due we are living in a world where society matter [ to me it matters ], and people tend to give a false impression whenever they get the chance, I never did bulged from the place I am standing now. One move will make a HUGE different and change in my life.

I am at lost. Both moves will just made me at total lost. That is why I always created an escape route which is to be neutral/free/not taking side/do nothing.

Well, I do believe that doing nothing is a choice and a valuable choice. If you see in Avatar, Book 2 - Bumi advised Aang to seek an instructor skilled in neutral jing, or doing nothing (as Bumi himself put it, someone who "waits and listens")...

HAhahHa, some might reject this, well everyone will reject it when I say this to myself.. LOLx... anyway, thats what I think, so... yup... ^_^

Anyway, I am still considering the danger of the path and which one do I want to take and what to expect and to do.. you know, those menial things that one needs to do before picking side...LOL .. I HATE chooses....