Be different, Be yourself, Be a change for someone else.

I do not know how to start this.

Maybe my way of doing thing is not the best, and maybe I am not good at all in it.

I wish I can lead people. I never lead people at all in my life, I was and am always being a follower.

I love to listen more than to talk even though I love to debate/argue about certain.

Sometimes, or not sometimes, EVERYTIMES, I always see flaw in myself.

I always tell people that I am not that too confident in my skill/strength and anything that I do.

Because I have self-criticism over 80%... which is VERY BAD. and I seriously cannot do anything about it. I have seen consultant. I have bought books and read them. Still none.

I wish I could do better, I want to do better. Every time before I go to bed, I chant to myself this few things. I am hardworking, I am confident, I am smart. I never feel comfortable with anything that I do. UNEASE UNEASE UNEASE...

I do find joy in anything that interest me, regardless, as long as I AM the one that FOUND it. I cannot be pushed in doing anything even reading.

Obviously I tried to change. Who wants to be a low self esteem phlegmatic melancholic introvert guy. Only stupid people do.

I tried to be friendlier and more confident. FAILED!

So, What can I say, what can I do? I wish I just could go out there and say what is in my mind. But, NO, I cannot. I can do harder. I will do harder next time.

Life must goes on, if you a jelly, you cannot be a concrete [cement], even as much as you compressed yourself, your physique would never be as solid as a concrete [cement].

I always say that I prefer if people say it honestly to me in front rather at the back, which is true.

I hate to lie, who does, thats why I always believe in the Golden Rule. Yes, I know that I sometimes lie, but I would not feel proud of it. I will try to amend it in a way, and sometimes I do tell the person that I lied to him/her.

Well, whats more to say, I do not regret it telling people what I have thought about them, or what I see in life. I wish people can live together even though they have different PERSPECTIVE about idea.

Just, a normal man. a normal guy. ME ...

P/S : yes,I wish that I am different.