Just a random thought in the early morning...

I really want to be perfect in everything that I do.

Well, at least, not academically. LOL... my mother would be furious. she always tells me to study and stuff... haishh, I love you mom, always...

Anyway, I have taken away some of the blog posts as I want to renew it.. XD like it can be renewed.. hahaha.. Renewing your license.. hehehe...

Well, Anyway, I have nothing else to post or crap on... at least not in this post because this is just a random thought...

Oh yeah, I am not sure whether I can write posts like my friends.. You know.. a bit intellectual... a bit insightful... A bit academic... haha.. i guess, it might not be my style...

So, anyway, did you guys know that I just finished my examination today.. and on the last 45 minutes before the exam ended, I was too eager to get out of the hall already.. My mind was flying all around, about the dinner, about the Movie night out... About being free from education system restriction.. .And about the poem that I want to write on.. Oh yeah, I have finished it.. heheh. it might not seem to be that good but it is just okay I guess.. I tried to corporate all of the learning that I have got from my previous literature courses.. i would never have thought to write it like that.. .

Thus, I can say that my mind has been opened and my eyes can see the world better. Thank you, my beloved-lecturers.. I hope I can see all of you in the near future..

Anyway, I would like to thank my coursemates.. We have went through a hellish years together.. Hopefully, all of you guys keep in touch with each others.. Thank you for the lovely memories.. ^_^

Formatting-Cleaning-Sorting-Cleansing-Purging-[and all of the near synonyms]

Anyway, I do not like some of my previous post... You know, about the ranting, and all. I kinda feel that I will do some of change into it. Yeah. So, I would not feel worst about myself,

In another nearly related news, I surely will try not to back stab people [IN BLOG], because, well... I kinda hate doing so, Yeah.... Anyway, nothing new much...

Heck, I lied, there are a lot of new news in my life... Dramas.. LOL.... ... TOO MUCH... this semester especially. Hey, I really do not want to say anything about it...

I just hope that ALL PARTIES will play fair and square. I know that some parties are LOSING, but heck, currently, I am in the winning party.. hhehehe..... OPSSS, I should not say anything else.. I just hope that everyone will be happy with the result as I am actually not happy with this ending in my life.

Because I am a person who love to look back and see all the memories. It would be painful to look at it in the next years...

Anyway, I do not want to dwell on that issue yet.. Well, not in this post at least... =P

Back to the previous topic that I was talking writing about, I will change everything, WELL, at least some of the post. I want it to make and see better.. hehehe.. You guys just look forward for it. .hohhooho.. it would be something different... kikikiki...

Past. Present. Future.

[Past]
I am always like a bird in a nest,
Got caught in the branch,
Falling off whenever I unintentionally can.

As much as I love adventure, outdoor activities, extreme sport, but I do have my limitation. My mental impossibility. My physical flexibility. My societal capacity.

Some will say I am optimistic but others might differ it. I have too many poker faces that I do not know which one I am in the end. I believe that I adapt myself to the situation.

I love actually to look at all of the memories and cherish it till I can. and I do believe in the word of Robert Frost in The Road Not Taken poem.

Robert Frost
The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

If you asked me whether I have done anything that I have regretted or not. I will tell you I have done a few that I wish I could change it. Its not just about an event that I have done, it is also about event that I did not give my opinion, or make my move. I regretted till now, and I am anxious and nearly shed my tear whenever I thought of it.

But, what can I do now except to accept the fact that has taken place and happened. Tis hath marr'd my life for so long that I just could not accept it. Yes, I am still in a denial state. In an unbalance state of mind. It does bug me whenever I think or do or just make any kind of decision.


[Present]
To fail is just a test,
Passing it will be a plus,
Be average and be contented,

I have done what I could. Well, at least what I want to do. My life is not dull nor exciting. But, I do make the best out of it. Some would say I am lazy; Yes I know procrastinating is one of my sin. Which I tried to eliminate without any success and I kind of getting tired of it.

I love moderate life, I love just to do at least in the minimal standard that I should do. Its not that I hate to do the best, it is just that, it would be 100X harder, as I sometimes love perfection in my work.

Whenever I see something, it will arouse my imagination and creativity. However, I would not do anything about it, as it would just linger in my mind for a few seconds, minutes, hours or even up to days.

It is a sad thing to see it disappear. [fullstops] ... no excuses on that one.

Anyway, I tend to have a short term goal in my everyday life. I can do one thing at a time, even though I pushed myself so hard to do 2, at the end of the day, it would be only one.. .ahaha...

In any case, I tried to change myself for better. I tried to explore other things on my own.

Yeah, I know one thing, I will surely would not be able to catch up with the fast developed technology... plus, with the RECENT news. I am really tired of it already. The prolong hatred. I am seriously have no comment and hate to comment on it.

In different news, I just get to know on how to put picture and link.. LOLx..

On the other hand, I still do not know how to make a more attractive blog post and track it more efficiently.


[Future]
Fly high above the ground,
Soar far and never look behind,
Always go forward and to your paradise,

Gladly, I will be finishing my studying within few days more,
then, I will be free to roam and work.

Anyway, as I have told you in my facebook and anywhere that you have read my post.
Its not that I hate to learn and gain knowledge, it just that I hate to study for examination. It sucks the fun out of learning.

I am trying to chase everything that I have ever wanted and I hope it is really going accordingly on what I have planned... I am so eager to get out of this country. Its not in the sense of leaving my homeland, but rather to travel and see the world. I really need to enlarge my horizon. Living here is not conducive for especially if I want to be a writer.

I do not want to be regretful when I am older. As I am thinking of doing a lot of things. Thus, by getting the job in AirAsia, it actually opened up many possibilities for me.

I will try be bolder in my life, I do not want to be someone on the background anymore. I just hope that the choice that I will make later will be more positive and benefit me more than do me harm.

I think my future path has been arranged properly now, one pawn has been moved and waiting for another more. But examination and procrastination are DAMN hard opponents to beat. I will try to move slower so I will be safer.

Gloria Gaynor
I Will Survive

First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to carry on
and so you're back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed my stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me

Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive

It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
Now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person
still in love with you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
now I'm saving all my loving
for someone who's loving me

BLOG - Blogging

Actually, I have love the idea of blogging.

After a while, I get the hang of it, but right now I have another dilemma.

Yes, one after another, as always, it is within human nature.

Besides, its not that I am really good using blog... I am still not sure on how to add picture or link to this thing.. @_@ because I am still confused with it... Plus, I seriously cannot see things that my friends told me about...

Anyway, oh yeah, the real reason that I want to write is to say that I kinda hate blog because we cannot track the thing we post.

What I mean is that when we have posted like 1000+ posts, its hard for us to check back and know what we have done/said in the previous post.

That is when I thought that I need to make a new blog for my other stuffs. Hmmm, but as always, I am not sure when I actually want to put it.. hahahah

Because, if you know me, juggling with one thing is hard, how can I juggle with more than one ...

Yes, you might say I am contradicting myself as I join many stuffs, but if you look carefully, have I excelled in any of the things that I have been doing [except playing games] ... LOLx...

Sometimes, I feel that I will be a TOTAL nobody... That is why, I love and try to be a somebody in my friends' memory.

Shoot, I kind of astray from the topic.. *sweat* ...

Anyway, I am just saying, I think I need to make another blog. It is a place where I will put all my poems into. So, it is easier for me to look back and read on it.

Yeah, I should do it.

Heck, I am still do not know how to do anything fancy in blog like my friends. T_T

Maybe, blogging is not my immediate turf. I will just have to hang around a little longer perhaps. Perhaps not. We will see on it.