The calling?

Everyone, everywhere must be wondering what is their calling, and so do I. I have been trying to grasp the reality of life since I was small. I tried to understand the norm of human relation since I was still a toddler. I had been trying to satisfy everyone's desire and expectation since I was still a child. However, never in my life I have ever managed to understand myself.

One thing for a matter of fact is that, I do know that I am a lazy bump. I do thing when I feel like, but I was not like that when I was in high school. I love reading books and learn, well I do not like to study though. I love to run and sprinting, but I hate competing. I love to speak out and voice my opinion, but I am scared of being in the center of the attention.

My friends told me that I think a lot, I over think stuff, and I do agree on that part. However, without this side of mine, I would not be able to come up with pieces that require me to think a lot. I managed to write a few poems that I adore because of how I think. I managed to create my own identity because of how I think. I managed to be myself because of how I think. Sadly, I was not accepted wholly by my peers when I was in school. My way of thinking was rather different than them, that they thought that I am dispensable and pushover. I had never achieve the satisfaction of having a true friend; to have the best friendship can offer. I felt that  I always live in a dark.

All of those experiences had taught me to survive on my own. Since then, I could manage mostly anything on my own, even though I still yearn for the friendship that could support me.

All of those experiences had taught me to not only mingle in that small circle of friends. I now, have too wide of friendship that I now love them dearly and hope we all could have a reunion or a gathering or something.

All of those experiences had taught me to see different perceptive in life. It was a joyous memory to see the other side of the grass, and to walk in other shoes.

I had always thought that I am different from any other people. I am, different, I am unique but at the same time, I am just like any other bump who will fall down into the pressure of the society. I never had any strength in any particular field. I am bad with grammars and rules, I am mediocre in sports, I am just okay with arts and theatre, I am fine with poetry and story telling and novels, I am awful in teaching, I cannot persuade people, I have stage fright, I am scare of water and height and lots of other things, I am just plain hopelessly romantic, I am easily demotivated and a slacker, I never could cut a straight line using either scissors or knife, I am not good at motivating people, I hardly get mad at people, I easily annoyed by something, I have a very VERY high self criticism and so on and so forth.

My calling, I guess I will just be an average guy, with a normal life...