Went to the beach in early morning... :D ... Found shocking truth about oneself... XD (old revelation)

This is an old revelation from facebook's note about myself that I wrote a long time ago...I just want to put it in my blog so people could read it... :D

Well I had my early walk today, thought of doing some jogging and exercise and I did for awhile...
But I only ran for a few minutes and most of the times I was talking to myself... I had my reflective moment again, since I have not done it for quite awhile.

You know something, I was very DAMN demotivated today. The reflective moment that I had really gave me a pang of emptiness. I was REALLY REALLY setback after realising that I am nobody in this world, and my life is such insignificant that I dont think anyone will remember me if I die.

One thing that kept bugging me is that, I feel worthless and useless. The feeling is such monstrous and unbearable and it keeps taunting me back again and again on my way back home.

I know I felt this before, but not THIS HEAVY and MALICIOUS. It struck deep into my heart and taint my ego.

I cannot bear the thought of having someone beside me as I cannot see my "uniqueness" or the thing that I can offer to my friends and companions and anyone around me, that has spoken to me.

I really regret that I think of myself and on what I am good in...I know that I am all rounded person in doing thing, but I am just all rounded person on the surface and not in detail and in depth... Like those who are really good in their thing... I am not someone who can focus on one thing only...

FOR REAL, I love in everything that people do, sprinting, basketball, writing novel, writing poem, diving and swimming, talking in other languages, learning stuffs and something new, singing, dancing, videio making, script writing, editing, martial arts learning, acting, directing, supervising, cooking, cleaning, interacting with other people, making love, flirting, wooing, observing, debating, arguing, listening, discussing, typing, organising, volleyball, bowling, archery, chess, painting, drawing, fashioning, designing things, manufacturing, DJing, Hiphopping, Breakdancing, Rapping, muscle building, hunting, fishing, consulting, advising, mentoring, teaching, coaching, tutoring, servicing, delivering, clienting, preaching, guarding, walking, thinking, researching, dissecting, gymnastic-ing and MORE AND MORE... I could go on and on about what I would like to do .. that I love to do... Heck, I even join nearly 10 clubs in my first semester in University for my own love towards it, and HELL I would join more if I have more money!!!! XD...

Anyway, that besides the point... The point that I want to make here is that, I splashed my thought and effort in all things that I never had a chance to actually know more about it... Now, I know and I feel regrets that I do not have any achievement that I am really proud so far thus making me feel insignificant and doubt whether I will be someone successful in the future. With the current achievement, I might as well die now and save all everyone butt from being annoyed by my insecurity in life... LIKE, who wants to listen and read this anyway.

Now, seeing people success in doing things that I love, make my heart throbs too harsh and bad. I wish that, things turned out to be different. I wish, JUST wish... I wish... I am MORE conscientiousness in life...

One thing that I hate is I am not discipline enough and I do not think it would be possible for me to change my personality, my trait. CAN IT BE FEND OFF? I hope so, but I am not strong to change THAT fact since I am just 25% in conscientiousness...


Yup, thats all I want to talk about... THANK YOU for reading...


Below is my traits, XD


Openness94%
This trait refers to the extent to which you prefer novelty versus convention. Approximately 94.5% of respondents have a lower openness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is far more intellectually curious and sensitive to beauty than most. You might say that your beliefs are individualistic and frequently drift towards the unconventional, and that you enjoy your imagination and the exciting places it takes you!


Conscientiousness25%


This trait refers to the extent to which you prefer an organised, or a flexible, approach in life. Approximately 1.5% of respondents have a lower conscientiousness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is impulsive and whimsical, and fine with it! From your responses it appears that you would say that sometimes decisions need to be made quickly, and that you make them quicker than most! You would say you are zany, colourful, and just generally great fun to be with... as long as someone isn't relying on you to get some work done.


Extraversion56%

This trait refers to the extent to which you enjoy company, and seek excitement and stimulation. Approximately 34.5% of respondents have a lower extraversion raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who prefers low-key social occasions, with a few close friends. You might say that it's not that you are afraid of large parties; they're just not that fun for you.


Agreeableness81%

This trait refers to the way you express your opinions and manage relationships. Approximately 88.5% of respondents have a lower agreeableness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is extremely easy to get along with. Your responses suggest that you would say you are considerate, friendly, generous and helpful and you consider most other people to be thoroughly decent and trustworthy.


Neuroticism (Emotional stability)56%

This trait refers to the way you cope with, and respond to, life's demands. Approximately 78.8% of respondents have a lower neuroticism raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is generally calm. Based on your responses, you come across as someone who can feel emotional or stressed out by some experiences, however your feelings tend to be warranted by the situation.


Go here if you want yours:
http://apps.facebook.com/mypersonality/newuser.php?ref=9&_fb_q=1